I went and saw a psychic today. I wanted to see if I could be a believer. My mum has always been very into that sort of thing and I always had reservations. No one can know the future right? Can spirits really come through to speak to me?
I went into the session full of life and energy, yet I came out flat, with almost more questions then what I went in with. I’m not sure what I was expecting to hear. I think it was just reassurance that I would be ok. That the picture in my head of how this will work out is what’s going to happen?
I heard all about my life. In fact everything that was said was uplifting and it made me excited to get to those moments in the future. When? How? Who? It felt positive and exciting.
And then I heard about him and where life will take him. If only he could have been there to listen to the warning bells ringing for life ahead. Things I did want to hear and things I didn’t, because at the end of the day his life is just that, his and I am slowly realising I am much better off and happier without him.
Yet, other things weren’t what I wanted to or expected to hear. It has flattened me, it has made me think about the people who have passed and reflect on moments in my life that I remember them by, happy moments as a family.
I connected with someone who I was very close to and the girls adored from his side of the family. I was reminded by her warmth, her gentle soul and she sent her sadness at the change in our life. It made me disappointed. Disappointed we or more he, has let so many people down, those here and those gone, who were a part of our life together.
I got information about my girls, about their personalities and I felt reassurance on the job I’m doing with them. Yet there was more I was waiting for.
My older brother passed away in 2011, at the age of 25. It was unexpected and the pain was excruciating. We were extremely close growing up and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about him and what a brilliant uncle he would be to my girls. How he would be here protecting me and kicking arse on those who have hurt me.
He was big, strong and tough. Covered in tattoos and often got himself into trouble. He had the most infectious laugh and the most hilarious dance moves. He taught me to let go and enjoy myself, not to worry about what people thought of me, that life’s too short.
I wanted him to come through and be there. I wanted her to acknowledge his presence and for her to tell me something that only he and I would understand so I could believe. I felt disappointed that he wasn’t mentioned and I desperately needed more.
All in all, it brought some comfort but it also brought pain. Am I a believer? I’m not sure yet, let’s wait till midyear and see what comes my way.